The CWCville Tales Episode 2 - Mission of Espionage

Chris walks into the General’s office after his final training session. He stumbles into the room, breathing heavily and sweating while collapsing into the chair.

“Ah Chris, thanks for coming back in” says the General.

“That’s all right” Chris replied while sweating. “So can I start killing my trolls now?”

“Well, about that. I’ve searched through your physical records from training and I’m afraid you failed all your tests.” The General says.

“Hey now, that’s absolute poppyvagina!” Chris replies “Look at me; you can see I am clearly physically fit!

The General looks at Chris’s flabby body and says “Fair enough, I can’t argue with that. You’re ready to go.”

Chris seems confused “Oh, your support has surprised me. Most people just seem to insult me.”

“I wonder why” The General replies. “Anyway, it’s time we get your equipment sorted.”

Chris says “Don’t worry, I’m always packing condoms.” “Not for me, obviously. They’re for my lesbian sweetheart.”

The General says “But how can they wear the--? Never mind, let’s just go.”

Chris and the General walk into the laboratory and stand in front of a closed chamber.

“Right Chris” said the General. “Before we let you out in the field, we’ve decided to provide with you some support.”

“Oh please!” Chris replied. “I don’t need any help, I can look after myself!”

The General rolled his eyes “Yeah, sure you can, but we still want you to have backup. Do you remember your electric Pokémon things?”

Chris snapped to attention “Of course I do, how could I forget my babies?”

The General stared in confusion “What, you mean you squeezed--? Actually never mind, that sounds gross” Anyway, we were able to keep them in here ever since the incident a few years ago”

“Hey, I didn’t know their pee was acid, OK?” Chris responded

“Fine, fine but we still want you to use them.” The General replies.

Chris sighed and stuttered. “I don’t really know...”

Then the general smiled “And they’re just the same as you left them. Zero personality and no character development.”

A smile appeared on Chris’s lips as he said “Let’s do this”

The door to the chamber opened and a group of Pokémon came out from the light.

Chris runs towards the yellow one, crouches down and says “Sonichu?”

Sonichu stares at Chris and replies “Yes, father?”

Chris stands upright and says “Can you eat me out?”

The General turns away in disgust “Oh Jesus Christ, really?”

Chris responds “Oh come on, it’s been so long! My nut—I mean my... taint is bursting at the seam.

“Oh God, just get the fuck out of here! Your weird squirrels will tell you the mission!” The General says as he leaves.

Meanwhile, at the White House, a meeting is taking place. President Trump sits in front of three people.

Trump says “Alright folks, it’s terrific you came. I just want to tell you I want you to work with me to stop this Chris Chan guy, because you know he’s a physically revolting person”

Trump continues “Now, I hear you guys were the architects of trolling Chris Chan back in the day, I mean you’ve got Clyde Cash over there with his beautiful haircut. My hair is more beautiful but Clyde’s is still nice too.”

Clyde replies “Thank you sir, what an honour”

“Don’t kiss my ass, Clyde” Trump responds. “And then you got the Pickle Suit Guy and that Idea Guy guy who made Chris a damn skitzo or something.

The Pickle Man interrupts “It’s not actually a suit anymore. I had some surgery so I’m now an actual pickle.

“Rick and Morty did that first, not very original, Pickleman. I’m gonna call you Pickleman now by the way” Trump responds.

“Uh, Mr President? Why did you want us to come here” The Idea Guy asked.

Trump immediately responded “Great question, it’s because I want Chris-Chan eradicated from the universe but it’s harder than expected. I’m trying to nuke CWCville but I can’t find it yet.” Trump stroked his fingers through his luscious hair.

“So that’s why I want you guys to join me in my...

Thunder erupts as Trump shouts “the Cabinet of Trolls!”

Clyde, Pickle and Idea Guy chatter for a moment then Clyde says to Trump “We’ll help you, but we want something in return.

Trump frowns and says “Fine, you can each have a night with Melania”

Trump’s potential recruits seemed disappointed with this offer. “Anything else, the Pickleman asked?”

Trump sighed and said “Alright, fine. You can all have a nuclear missile each as well as bricks taken from my beautiful wall.”

Idea Guy responded cheerfully “Can’t get better than nukes and walls. Fuck it, we’re in”

Trump smiled “Excellent, oh by the way I met have moved some money into creating some genetic mutants to help.”

“Great, you need a mutant to kill a mutant” Clyde replied.

Meanwhile, Chris is standing on the roof of a mansion in a black catsuit, with his gut hanging out.

Chris telepathically communicates with Magi-Chan “Magi-Chan, can someone come and help me out, I’m like really scared and my eczema is getting worse cause of my stress.

Magi-Chan replies “Sorry Chris, but the rules are we’re not allowed to have a major influence on the plot so you’re on your own this time.”

Wild interrupted “Yeah, besides Chris, it’s Wednesday night. Every Wednesday is orgy night.

“You guys still do orgy night?” Rosechu asks the others.

“It helps with the crippling loneliness.” Punchy mutters.

Chris sighs “Alright, well save some of that china for me. I got to go and find this Golden Delicious”

Chris walks towards the chimney and stares down the grate. Chris, talking to himself says “my slender figure will allow me to slip down this chimney easily”

As Chris says this, the wood of the roof collapses under his weight as he falls into the house. Chris attempts to walk downstairs very silently, despite bumping into things and constantly falling over.

Chris then wandered towards the top step on the landing and just as he was about to walk downstairs, he collapses through the floor again and crashes into the kitchen.

Chris stands up, covered in sawdust and blood with his catsuit torn to shreds, revealing disturbing parts of his anatomy. Chris then notices the Golden Delicious inside a glass case. Chris didn’t know the Delicious was an apple, but he just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Just after Chris had emptied the fridge, he went back to the case but then saw a note next to it. He picked up the note and read it.

“Dear Janice, I’m sorry I had to leave early. Something urgent came up. I hope you can look after the Delicious while I’m gone. Love, David”

Chris opens the case and puts the apple in his pocket. He then turns the note around.

“PS, remember to feed the Rottweilers”

Chris suddenly feels a sense of fear as he hears growling behind him. He turns around and notices two angry looking Rottweilers staring at him.

Suddenly, the dogs pounce on Chris and pull him to the floor while biting and snarling all over Chris’s body. Chris eventually limps out of the house but before he can report back, a car runs over him.

The car pulls over and a man dressed entirely in black walks towards Chris’s body and snatches the apple from his pocket. The man then walks back to his car and drives off.

At this point, Sonichu suddenly feels a sense of danger for his father.

He turns to Magi-Chan and says “I think Father is in trouble, we need to help him.”

Magi-Chan replies “Sure, we could help him... or you could stop acting like a fucking dumbass and rub watermelons on my scrotum!”

“I can’t argue with that.” Sonichu says as he picks up the watermelon.